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Defusing the Anger Time Bomb Aimed at your Spouse

 

Your second chakra is about passion in your life and passion sometimes includes anger as well as love.  The danger with holding angry, resentment or fear in the second chakra is that negative energy encourages a breakdown of the organs in your pelvic region.  In light of that information, you can see that negative emotion is harming not the other person but yourself.

Consider wiping the slate clean and forgiving your spouse. Not because they have earned it or apologized, but because you want to go to bed happy tonight instead of angry.

Now before your little rebel comes and out says, “I’ll continue to hold a grudge if I want to hold a grudge.”  Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Do I really want to shorten my life by remaining in a stressful state?”

Thoughts have energy and if you insist on holding on to negative in your brain and in your body, the energy will sit inside you and attract more of the same.  Your mind wants to be right, so it will seek out data to prove that it has made the right decision.  If you are angry at your husband for leaving his socks on the floor, you might assign him the label of messy.  Now to prove to yourself your husband is messy, your mind will start looking for other examples of messy.  When your mind finds a mess, it feeds a little bit of adrenaline into your system.  “I just knew this guy was messy,” you say to yourself. ” Look at the newspapers he has stacked up on the floor next to the chair.”

Zap! You found what you were looking for here’s some adrenaline.  Look at the state of the bathroom  sink! There are whiskers in it and there is water on the counter. Zap! Have some more anger and adrenaline.  This can go on for quite a while. When your husband comes home, you are all charged up with 20 examples of your husband doesn’t care he’s messy.  You are full of anger.  You are ready to attack.   It is impossible to be happy when you have just found 20 examples of upsetting behavior.

It may be that he is the type of person who only pays attention if you are a screaming lunatic.  But seriously, how many people are that out of touch?  I do know that men generally respond to an attack with an counterattack.  So you may go into the situation feeling totally right and he is totally wrong.  However, don’t expect him to see it that way.  Most likely he will respond with what ever has worked in the past to shut down the attack;  making a rude comment, yelling at you for being lazy instead of supportive, or maybe a punch.

The situation has now spiraled out of your control completely. Now two people in the house are unhappy and no one is in control.

Or you may go around finding examples of his messiness and then just keep reciting the list over and over again in your mind.  This tactic makes you miserable, and just builds a wall of resentment inside that shuts out your view of any of the nice things your husband has done for you.  Over time, your body will develop an illness as the stress of  holding onto toxic thoughts takes its toll over time.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to forgive your husband for being messy and release the anger inside yourself.  Go to bed happy.  In the morning when you wake up , you will have your power back.  You will be able to say  simple statement like,”I would appreciate it if you would pick up your dirty socks and wipe up after yourself in the bathroom.”

Then listen to what he says.  If he says yes, the problem is solved.  If he says no, let him know what the consequences of the decision will be.  You might be too tired to make him his favorite desert, or he might have to pitch in some of his money  to pay for a maid, to pick up his socks for him.  Just say it calmly.  There is no need to threaten him.  There is no need to be an angry martyr either.

If you feel like he isn’t listening, take some time to write down what you are feeling when things are messy. Tell him what you want instead and let him know that making a few small changes will help you feel loved and valued.

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